


I Could Not Help You

by theoreticallylimitless



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Dark Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader Redemption, Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Force Ghost(s), Gen, Hurt Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Code (Star Wars), Sith Anakin Skywalker, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), The Force, The Light Side of the Force (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28999326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticallylimitless/pseuds/theoreticallylimitless
Summary: Reaching for the light with the unrelenting grasp of the dark pulling him just out of reach of the good within him,
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A first glance at the story to come.

Despite everything, he was once again the person he had left behind all those years ago. The fire roared as it consumed the last of all that he had become, and balance was restored. He looked upon his family reunited. The son and daughter he never knew, the last piece of the love he had lost everything to standing before him. He smiled and watched as a peace fell across the galaxy.

A peace that had been gone for so long, due in large part to his actions. His vanity and greed. This fight would never have happened if not for his own selfish deeds.

_No. Things are better now. Better than it had ever been before._

He shook these thoughts off, and passed through the barrier between this world and the force.

Wasn't it his fault though? All of the suffering and loss. The pain that so many had endured. It was all because of what he had done. And he knew it. He could try to deny it, but the truth is a tireless pursuer, and the weight of his past will seek him endlessly. One can only run for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and critiques are deeply appreciated. This is my first time actually trying to write a story, so all feedback is extremely helpful.


	2. Balance

There is nothing to fear when you walk in hand with the dark. It is a comforting embrace that once within, will never let you go. And why would you want to leave it? When it is the only thing that has ever truly accepted you without judgement or repression. All your imperfections go unseen, veiled in the shadows of an existence that could care less about what’s on the outside.   
There is nothing that need be uncovered when you’re covered by the dark. All of the emotion and destruction that follows in your steps grows as you become less and less aware of where you stand. 

But what then can be said of the light? A life where all of you is on display to be gazed upon by everyone else’s judgment. Where you must be at your best always, and turn away from showing the emotion that tears at your heart for want of a flawless image. Surely, the light would hold the promise of a better existence? That is how it’s made out to be. It is better. That is what we have been brought up to believe. Anything other than a wholly good life is looked down upon, for a seemingly good reason, that no one can quite fathom or describe in detail as to why. But we accept it as an unquestionable truth nonetheless. 

So where then should one stand? In the veil of the dark, or the purity of the light? Is one truly that much better than the other? Is there only a choice between the two?   
Is there more than this? Should this be so difficult to understand? Why is it so hard? What’s wrong with me?

Anakin knelt on the ground. He held his head in his hand as these thoughts consumed his mind. There was no peace in him that was expected to come after death. There was only confusion and torment to comfort him. This great expanse was so cold, he knew it even if he couldn’t feel it. So hollow and quiet. There was so much to the nothingness. It was almost maddening. He just regained his mind, he would not let it be taken from him a second time. He took a deep breath and stood up trying to clear his mind of the thoughts that plagued him. 

Gazing into the pure vastness of the force, Anakin saw, for the first time in a long time, beauty. The world around him filled with light, color, and life. And we felt a peace within himself, unlike anything he had known before. For a moment he forgot about the war inside his head, the loneliness he felt, the guilt. It was him and nothing, and it was beautiful. The pain he had known for so long was gone. If only things could always be so simple. 

Everything and nothing seemed to take place around Anakin. There was no way to determine how time moved here, but it seemed like he stood in his peace for days. Pouring over his friends, his family, and everyone he loved and all that he had done. And he might’ve stood there for an eternity longer had he not been snapped out of his trance by a hand resting on his shoulder.


	3. Walking in the Shadow

_‘I’m sorry I could not help you. I wish I had tried harder.’_

He was filled with a sense of love and comfort that he had not known for some time. Everything within him holding onto those feelings, the emotions that he was never able to feel coursing through him. Anakin took a deep breath and turned to face whoever had touched his shoulder. But he was met with nothing. He was completely alone. 

He couldn’t just sit here for the rest of eternity. There had to be more out there, something waiting for him. And he was determined to reunite, in love, with his family. And so, fighting back tears, Anakin stepped out into the unknown. 

He had no idea where he was going, or how he was going to find anyone within this massive void, but nothing would stop him. With every step he could feel the energy of the force growing within him, guiding him through this uncertain terrain and leading him to those he sought. He reached out, trusting in the force to take him on the right path. The light finding its home in his heart once again, fending off the darkness that dwells in the shadow of the light. 

There was so much he had to remedy. The years of torment, pain, and fear that followed in his dark steps. The lives lost at his hand. The love sacrificed in the name of power. There was no amount of apologies he could compose that would ever come near to what was needed for forgiveness. In his mind, he could never be forgiven, and the privilege to love removed never to be replaced. And he made his peace with his truth as he ventured onwards.

_‘We still love you Anakin. Come home brother.’_

“I can do better. I can make things right, I know I can. I have to.” Anakin’s voice barely audible as he whispered these words. Through his son balance had been restored, and now he took on the responsibility of keeping it so. He would not live this way in vain. He couldn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> Many elements are taken from the original concept of Anakin appearing as a force ghost in The Force Awakens that was inevitably scrapped.  
> Comments and critiques are deeply appreciated.


End file.
